brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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