Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
