highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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