My cat gives me a boner
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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