the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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