she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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