I hate your face
our cab driver is having phone sex.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
