I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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