o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
