can we get nightvision for the apartment?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
did i just pee glitter
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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