Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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