I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
