Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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