I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
