talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
