the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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