My liver just broke up with me...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I would fuck him just for his dog
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
