No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
