They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
