i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
