i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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