got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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