Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
