the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
