he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
