Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
