4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
