Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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