I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
