Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
