Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
