He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
