I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
