Just cropdusted the office
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
