Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
