youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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