great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
