Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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