let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
