You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
