i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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