i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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