i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
