Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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