____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
