you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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