Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
