I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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