Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
