He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
