am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
