I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
