You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
