Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
