corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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