How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
