You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
