Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
