It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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