I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize