That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
