I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
