We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
