Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
