did you get engaged???
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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