Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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